My little War of Independence

Parenting is complicated, to say the least. It’s the lesson we learnt in adolescence; when our parents were selfish, paranoid, control-freaks. It was then, when we swore by our conscience that we will give our children all the ‘space’ and ‘independence’ in the world and God forbid not perpetuate the closed parenting we inherited.

About 30 months ago as I embraced my little newborn daughter, I looked forward to some years of our mutual understanding before the ordeals of her teens. In two years she learned how to smile, crawl, giggle, sit, eat, play, walk, run, destroy, talk, and blabble uncontrollably. All the while, we were more-less on the same page.

A few weeks ago, she decided that she knows how to put her pants on “alone.” I let her try, and after five minutes she pretty much got half way through, and started chanting “hooray!” I was proud and so was she, it was another milestone in her cute little life. This phenomenon went on for another few days, and it got less cute and more annoying. She insisted that I don’t help her and she’s fully capable; and I knew that her pants were sideways and stuck somewhere around the 50 yard line. And five minutes is not so cute before my morning coffee.

One morning, after forcefully putting her pants on for her, I looked in her eyes and read them telling me “you selfish, paranoid, control-freak!” I felt terrible. So, I realized, while I still do know better than her, and when she’ll grow up I’ll tell her she was a fool for arguing with me when her pants were backwards and inside-out, I have to stand by watch her make mistakes and let her learn. Otherwise I’ll still be dressing her when she’s twenty.

I guess we want our children to win their War of Independence; my only question is, at what cost?

11 Replies to “My little War of Independence”

    1. Ai think the thought of living without love I’d the one you should dread. While love doesn’t come without heartache, and every good think comes with work. It all pays off.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. 🙂 talk about parenting 😉
        we’re the same age, then.
        you still have plenty time to change your mind, life does that to all of us…
        one more question, why do you perceive parenting to be so difficult, if you haven’t tried it?

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I base it on my observation to the people around me. Some are good at parenting, while most are doing the same mistakes their parents had done to them. For me, parenting is critical because it shapes the kind of person the child will be, especially the values that the child will keep. Amongst our neighbourhood, I’ve seen a lot of children who experienced child abuse during childhood, and now that they are parents to their own children, they have physically abused their kids. Same thing goes vice versa. Children who became defiant to their parents have been defied by their own children. That’s why I take it seriously. 😊

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Your observation is sadly accurate. Which should encourage you to raise children that will have understanding parents and loving parents, there is probably a billion good kind parents that sacrifice the world for their children and shower them with love… don’t worry that you’ll turn into a monster…

        Liked by 1 person

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